We spent the afternoon driving around my old neck of the woods of Richmond. Something I love to do when I am in town and something I was so excited to do for this trip. The growth that has occurred in the area I grew up in is astonishing. What used to be miles and miles of trees separating our neighborhood from our schools is now miles and miles of shopping centers. Two lane roads are now 4 lane roads and the traffic (although nothing compared to Atlanta) seems to be quadruple what it was when I lived here. But I was still amazed at how I remembered getting around. We spent a majority of our time driving around my old neighborhood. Much of which hasn't a changed a bit since I lived here over 20 years ago.
When we pulled onto my old street, my stomach turned into knots. I hadn't seen our old house in over 7 years. I pulled in front, got out of my car, and walked to the front door. I wanted to ask the new owners if it would be ok if I took a picture of the outside (secretly hoping it would spark a conversation about my deep sentimental attachment to the home and they would invite me in). As I stood at the front door for the first time in my life as a visitor to that home, my heart sank a little. While I waited for someone to open the door to my knock, I noticed the paint chipping off the shutters, some spindles broken off the banister leading to the front door, the banister was leaning and poorly caulked back into place, a few bricks on the front steps were broken and a large ashtray filled with cigarette butts was at the front door. Blinds hanging in the window were broken or bent, sheets hung in some of the windows and Christmas candles were still in the window sill to the windows of the garage. I almost felt anger. I so badly wanted a sweet young couple with young kids to be the owners...respecting the home I still love so much. Unfortunately, I don't think that is the case. No one answered the door, and I was walked to the car, I told myself it was probably for the best. Had I seen the inside and it not looked as I had remembered, I probably would have broken down in tears in their foyer. Before today, the last time I was at the front door of that home I lived there; today I was a visitor. While I walked back to my car I realized, you really can never go home again.
my old house
(taken from the street because it looks so much better from a distance)
We left the old house and went to my mom's gravesite. My eyes filled with tears as we pulled out of the neighborhood and made the 7 mile trip to the church. The church hasn't changed a bit. I think the cracks in the parking lot are the same cracks that were there when we were members. We stopped the car, and I told The Mayor and Love Bug we were going to see their Nanny. (Meega and I refer to our mom as Nanny - my dad was very close to his grandparents PopPop and Nanny. My dad is now PopPop and we think our mom would have wanted to been called Nanny. They were awesome people...just like my mom and dad).
We made the somber walk to my mom's grave. Twenty-one years has passed and it still literally takes my breath away to see her name etched in granite. We told The Mayor and Love Bug about her, and although they do not understand, it still made me feel good to have them there so they could meet their Nanny.
After several minutes, D took the kids to the playground so I could have some private moments alone. It felt so weird. The last time I was there I was just a young married woman. Now I am a young married mother. Three years younger than my mother when she passed. It made me sad. Sad for all the moments I missed with her and prayerful I wouldn't miss those moments with my own children.
After the emotional afternoon, we stopped at the 7-Eleven for a slurpee. Meega and I grew up on slurpees...and let's face it...there is nothing better than a true slurpee. I got the largest one in the joint, one for The Mayor and a baby one for Love Bug. D, still in training, got a water. It made me happy to see my kids enjoying slurpees as much as my sister and I did as kids.
We are now back at Tammy's house. After a dinner and a trip to a frozen yogurt place, the kids are asleep. D is packed and ready for his race in the morning and the house is quiet. Everyone turned in early for the 5AM wakeup. Can't wait to cheer on my man.
No comments:
Post a Comment