22 years ago

It is still so difficult to think that 22 years ago today, my Mom lost her battle with cancer at the age of 38.  I still remember that day like it happened yesterday.  Tuesday, June 19, 1990 at 5:19AM in bed #4 of the Cardiac Care Unit at MCV Hospital is when she drew her last breath.  Meega, PopPop and I were standing by her side.  I can't remember what I ate for dinner yesterday, but I will never forget that day.

The pain isn't like it was 22 years ago.  But I still cry.  Selfish tears.  I cry for my husband and children never getting to know her.  I cry for my mom never getting to know them.  I cry because no one that I actively speak to ever knew my mother.  I cry because I have lived in Georgia for longer than any other place or state in my entire life and not one of those days did my mother live here with us.  I cry because we have gone on to live a lifetime's worth of memories without her here on Earth.

I rejoice because she is in Heaven with our Heavenly Father.  I rejoice because she fulfilled her purpose on this Earth and was rewarded with an eternity of joy, happiness, peace...no tears, no cancer, no pain.  I rejoice because one day my husband and children will get to know her.

I've said it before...but when I was a kid 38 seemed old.  I never understood when people said "wow, she died so young"  But since 38 for me is only 2 years and 1 month away, I realize just how young she was and just how much life on Earth she missed.

I would give anything to hear her voice or smell her perfume.  All the things that 22 years later you forget.  Memories have turned to fragments.  And I cry because the older I get, the farther away those memories become.  But she lives on in me and Meega and The Mayor, Love Bug, Bennett and little baby Brock who will grace this world next month.

I love you so much mom and miss you.  Until that day when we see each other again...