the angel and the devil

There is no manual that comes with parenting…and I sure do wish there was one. I mean there is absolutely nothing in this entire world that doesn’t come with a manual, except a child. And because The Mayor is our oldest, he is our guinea pig with parenting. Poor child…

I have a dear friend who has five children under the age of 5…so she knows it all. I go to her every once in awhile with questions or for seeking advice. One day I called her because D and I were just convinced there was something wrong with The Mayor. We were literally on the brink of scheduling an appointment with our pediatrician to discuss his behavior. Because it just could not be possible for a child to be calm and happy one second and literally the very next second to be yelling and screaming and pitching a fit…over nothing. D and I had The Mayor diagnosed with just about every disease and behavioral issue under the sun. I called my friend and she calmed me down and told me THIS IS NORMAL (whew) and she described it best by saying you will look at your toddler and wonder how they can be the angel and the devil in one body at the same time. And I have never heard a phrase more beautifully describe the ride that is toddlerhood.

Today is a tale of the angel and the devil.

The Devil

We had our Wednesday morning playgroup scheduled for a local playground and picnic with our buddies. It was just too beautiful outside to not take full advantage of the weather. We brought our tricycles, soccer balls and picnic lunches…and I just knew we had hours of fun ahead of us. We made it exactly 30 minutes. The Mayor played fine on the playground with his friends but when we headed to the picnic tables to eat lunch, he lasted about 5 minutes before the wheels fell off.

He was mad. He wanted to eat his lunch. And I wasn’t depriving him of that. His lunch was laid out in front of him. I even took his sandwich out and opened the bag of his goldfish crackers for him. He had a few bites and then suddenly the frustration set in. Something wasn't going his way...but I couldn't figure out what it was. He kept asking to eat...but the food in front of him wasn't making him happy. He wasn't asking for different food either. I was perplexed. What exactly could I have done to allow him to eat his lunch…short of shoving the sandwich in his mouth? But he was throwing the biggest fit. He was screaming and crying. And I had no idea over what. Had we been at home I would have walked out of the room and ignored his temper tantrum. But because we were with friends (and there were other mothers there with their children at picnic tables near by) I thought it was best to not disrupt everyone’s afternoon, so I picked him up and all of our belongings and carried him to the car. I told him behavior like this would not be rewarded and he wasn’t going to be able to play with his friends. He continued to pitch a fit.

On the way out of the parking lot, I told him to stop crying and tell me what was wrong. He said “eat please”. I wanted to scream my head off, so instead I screamed on the inside. I thought to myself, “what exactly were we doing back there????? I was letting you eat!!!!!!” I made a u-turn and went to the local Barnes and Noble bookstore and purchased The New Strong-Willed Child by Dr. James C. Dobson.

The Angel

The Mayor didn’t make a peep while inside that bookstore. Not one word. He didn’t ask to get out of his stroller, he didn’t ask to walk, and he didn’t ask to pick up everything that we passed by. When we were outside, he asked me quietly and politely if he could eat his lunch.

I parked the stroller at a bench in the shade and he preceded to eat everything in his lunchbox, quietly, politely and with a smile on his face.

I can’t tell you how many women passed by me to tell me how “beautiful and well-behaved” my children were. I cracked up on the inside…oh, ladies, if you only knew what we went through just 20 minutes ago.

I love The Mayor…I love the angel and the devil that he is. And I know God has blessed me with this treasure and will grant me the wisdom and patience to rear him and raise him the way I should. Some days are just harder than the others…

*on an encouraging note to probably nobody except D, myself and his future teachers, after reading the first few chapters of the book, I don’t know if The Mayor is truly a “strong-willed child”. According to the book (and again I have only read the first few chapters and those chapters were talking about some seriously strong-willed children), strong-willed children are strong-willed from birth, are not usually phased by or respond to discipline and are in it to “win the battle”. The Mayor was the easiest baby, cares A LOT if he gets disciplined and doesn’t care about winning the battle because he usually caves in after discipline or if he is removed from the situation. I think we just have an almost 3 year old testing his limits and boundaries and doesn’t have the vocabulary or maturity to express his frustrations…so he screams. Usually after a minute or two, he is totally calm and over it. But, I am still going to read this book for some good discipline techniques and to learn to stay calm...especially when he can't.